I'm currently writing a letter and I've been having difficulty is what I'm going to put in it. I am a straight to the point person and I don't like to write something that will take too long to get to the point with so may "flowery" words that are not really essential to the letter. But I have to write some "flowery" bits for this one, I know i have to.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I'm a member of the Blogging Department.
Currently, there are six members on this department.
It's what i call an open secret. People just leave us alone. We blog on whatever we think off and do it any time we want to.
Membership is open.
You just don't know that you're a member already.
at 10:55 AM
Friday, August 29, 2008
Over the course of the month, I was offered a new career but i meant i was go go back. I pondered on this decision a lot. Even consulted my friends and office-mates regarding this matter and they offered me their take on this offer. The result was unanimous but I have to make the final decision. Last night, the decision was made. I just hope that this decision was right. Was it fate that leads me back even if I tried to go away? Well, I will make my own fate. Hoping that the decision will be a springboard to something better.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
So many night have passed that I've had sleepless nights. Some of it I've attributed to too much caffeine in my body. I'm always drinking softdrinks at home and coffee at the office. I know that i haven't been sleeping well because of too much thinking. Too much "what if" and "what could be" in my mind. Well, always you've been there in mind. Consistently appearing in my mind. How I wish these "what ifs" would come true. Just wishing and hoping because you're not mine.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out. When the great oak is straining in the wind, the boughs drink in new beauty, and the trunk sends down a deeper root on the windward side. Only the soul that knows the mighty grief can know the mighty rapture. Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart for joy.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Today, I woke up late because I was scheduled not to work. However, as things would have it, I’m back at the office right now. I have to revise my work because I forgot to arrange it properly yesterday. With so many things to think about, I forget what I was supposed to do and now I’m at work still tired and sleepy. I need to have a note posted in front of me to serve as a reminder. This usually happens when I have no work the next day. Too much anticipation of what is to come and not being mindful of the present. Silly me, I have to change or else I will have to think of my work during day offs and I don’t like that.
Friday, August 22, 2008
We cannot change the painful past or bring back our loved one; nevertheless, we can live with gratitude for the love we had and for the life we shared – even though that love and life ended too soon. How will we live with the grief that has rocked our world? Will we get stuck in yesterday with the words “if only” or will be move ahead toward tomorrow with the word “nevertheless”?
Daniel T. Hans
Thursday, August 21, 2008
With nothing to do last night, I wasted my time away watching an anime series on video until early the next morning until I could sleep. I’m still on the 19th episode of a 50 episode series. Being used to watching anime, I have encountered many ridiculous reasons, moral lessons or advises that the character or their mentors give. Oftentimes, they are silly and corny. However, the advice issued in that series became significant to me. It states that “Live today for tomorrow's smiles and have the courage to face your past”.
I prided myself with planning almost all of my actions, anticipating the possible repercussion or the lack thereof of my actions. They either succeed or fail. Nevertheless, I will still plan even if I feel that the results will be dire. Maybe my fault is too much planning and thinking of which resulted in my lack of action because if I can already see in my mind that it is not the right way. I will refrain from doing such act even if it outcome hasn’t been proven yet. The only one who can stop me, is me. And I’ve stopped myself a lot of times.
The quote became significant because I know planned too much, and I sometimes forget to live my life. With so many thoughts swirling in my mind, I have got to stop anticipating the results beforehand and start living my life. I have to face the challenge of the future today armed with my knowledge from the past and not let my past be a hindrance of my future. My past made me who I am today but it is I who will define my future.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
It's Hard To Wait Around
For Something That Will Never Happen
But It's Even Harder To Give Up
When It's All You Ever Wanted
As of today, my heart still hurts. It’s been more than a year since I failed to win your heart. First time I tried, you were busy. The second, you already had somebody else. It hurts so much. I tried to move on, and I did. I pretended that we’re just friends when we meet, acting as if nothing has happened. I stayed away from view because I’m not good at acting when you’re around.
As one song says, why does other person hurts the person you been longing for all of your life. It pains me to watch from afar, can’t do anything for you while you’re hurt. All I can do is look at you with my eyes that has adored you since the first time we’ve met. Or think and pray for you, and hope you’ve stopped crying. So close and yet so far, as another song would suggest.
Maybe now, you have found someone new after the heartache. Why does it still hurt after all these years knowing that I can’t have you and others can? Why do I subject myself to this emotional pain? Seeing you happy is just a consolation of not being with you but it won’t wipe away the pain. And the pain goes on and on....
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
A few days ago, I was offered a much higher paying job than what I am currently earning. But the catch is I have to return to my old office in my hometown and work with almost the same supervisors. I left that office about three years ago with so many reasons. Some were personal while the others were based on my beliefs and convictions. I was taught that “the end does not justify the means” and I believed that to this day. I also believed that what is wrong will always be wrong even if all are doing it and while others are tolerating the people doing it.
I was exposed to corruption in the guise of progress. The rule was “I scratch your back, you scratch mine”. They were trying to shield their wrongdoings in legitimate projects. I can see through their ruse. I have seen people trying to go against the flow and they were vilified by the greedy ones. It’s happening right in front of my eyes and I can’t do anything about it. Then I left, without any notice and ever since they have been trying to persuade me to go back. Maybe I have left my mark there by doing what most of their employees cannot do.
Will I go back to that old job? The battle raging inside of me will be between my conviction and security. Yeah, it will be a higher paying job that could make life easier but over the course of the job, I will be used as a pawn to propel the greedy men’s desire. Some would say that I should turn a blind eye, because I was not doing the corruption. Maybe, but for me, it’s like forgetting something that I know is right. I am not trying to be the perfect person in an imperfect world. I have many flaws. I have made mistakes. I have failed. I was called too idealistic, but am just trying to live the correct life. Then again, maybe some may say that I will be an agent of change but I myself doubt that because I myself am not fond of change.
In the next few months, a tough decision will be made. I hope I will make the right one.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Yesterday, my mother came to town for a seminar at the Marco Polo Hotel and she requested me if I could accompany her at her suite. I went last night and stayed in that hotel for the first time. The room was nice and I was wished that my room was that organized. However, I had difficulty sleeping even with the soft big pillows, soft mattress and cool surroundings. I keep turning and turning to find the right position to sleep, and I failed. My body was looking for something that it deemed comfortable to sleep at. I don’t mean that my bed at home is better than what they offer because it is not. It’s just, most of the time, we look for something that we are used experiencing and, oftentimes, we are not that comfortable in the change of surrounding. We need to time to adjust to this new feeling. How like life?
Well, I’m looking forward to sleep in my own bed tonight. As for now, I'll stick to what's uncomfortable yet familiar. And change is brewing ahead.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Been to the grocery lately and I’ve bought some whole grain cereals out of curiosity. Being influenced by several advertisements that this is somehow a breakfast, although I want my breakfast to compose of rice and some viand, I bought some as a substitute because I’ve been missing my breakfast lately. Though it requires some milk, I’ve decided to just munch them as is since I can’t take any milk since being a lactose intolerant and all.
Lately, I’ve been eating them as snacks, substituting my good ‘ole potato chips. Since I like to take snacks, maybe I’ll substitute them with a much healthier one. Haha…me trying to eat healthier foods. Time’s changing. Just lately trying my best to eat vegetables. It’s a start.