Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Am Complicating A Made Up Decision

I am at a loss for myself. For the past week, I have been hesitating on a decision that was already made up months ago. I just don't know how to react to myself. Maybe this due to my past experiences that leads me to be hesitant on this acting out what I wanted to do and still want to do. It's difficult having yourself as the the hindrance on what you want to do. The outcome of this decision is yet to be decided but what is important that it should be acted upon with the best that I can offer.

High self-confidence is not even an asset of mine when it comes to this situation. It is the one of the few things that I am not good at and fearful of doing throughout my life. The positive and negative aspects of it bothers me. I have to keep asking myself why do I think to far ahead and not concentrate on the present. My mind always wonder on all the possibilities that any of my decisions will result to, whatever they may be. I have to learn to savor the moment and just present myself.

And to complicate this matter even worse, I am not asking why did I make such a decision in the first place. Do I really need to always have a reason for wanting what I want.

Oh, why do I have to complicate my life? (sigh)



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