Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Trying To Pull Me Back In

A few days ago, I was offered a much higher paying job than what I am currently earning. But the catch is I have to return to my old office in my hometown and work with almost the same supervisors. I left that office about three years ago with so many reasons. Some were personal while the others were based on my beliefs and convictions. I was taught that “the end does not justify the means” and I believed that to this day. I also believed that what is wrong will always be wrong even if all are doing it and while others are tolerating the people doing it.

I was exposed to corruption in the guise of progress. The rule was “I scratch your back, you scratch mine”. They were trying to shield their wrongdoings in legitimate projects. I can see through their ruse. I have seen people trying to go against the flow and they were vilified by the greedy ones. It’s happening right in front of my eyes and I can’t do anything about it. Then I left, without any notice and ever since they have been trying to persuade me to go back. Maybe I have left my mark there by doing what most of their employees cannot do.

Will I go back to that old job? The battle raging inside of me will be between my conviction and security. Yeah, it will be a higher paying job that could make life easier but over the course of the job, I will be used as a pawn to propel the greedy men’s desire. Some would say that I should turn a blind eye, because I was not doing the corruption. Maybe, but for me, it’s like forgetting something that I know is right. I am not trying to be the perfect person in an imperfect world. I have many flaws. I have made mistakes. I have failed. I was called too idealistic, but am just trying to live the correct life. Then again, maybe some may say that I will be an agent of change but I myself doubt that because I myself am not fond of change.

In the next few months, a tough decision will be made. I hope I will make the right one.



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