I Hate Being the Middle Man

I've always applied this in my life that when I want to get my message across somebody else, I'll talk to them myself. I've pretty much avoided using middlemen in all my personal dealings even in relationships. But the exception to this is when I'm at work. Oftentimes, I will talk to the person concerned whether they are high-raking officials or not. I doesn't bother me as long as I get my message across. Pretty much, I know how to play their game, you must be the humble one when trying to deal with them to make them appear that they are gracious for something that you ask for, even if it's not theirs. Ironically, we refer to it as respecting our elders even if there is nothing respectable about them.

And sometimes, I'm scolded by my superior because I don't delegate such things. For me it's not really about delegating something that I can do much better myself. And oftentimes, the message gets distorted when it passes through many channels. I want to hear the reply myself so that I can process and act on it quickly with minimal or no supervision at all.

This past few weeks, I became a middleman for my office and a certain organization. At first my supervisor approves what they are asking for but as the days goes by he has grown to dislike them because of their demands. And now, I'm in the middle of it all, they request something and my supervisor angrily declines it but it is I who has to talk to them. We tried to delegate this job to somebody else but they are still contacting me for all their requests. My job is to politely tell them what my supervisor is angrily ranting about. It's difficult to to this because I also have to try to have them believe that we are an accommodating and helpful office. But in reality, my supervisor is only accommodating to the ones he finds useful in the future.

I hate being the middleman because it is my job that a rift don't come across both organizations to maintain a semblance of camaraderie between the two. It doesn't help when one is so demanding and the other is disgruntled.

Pity me, because I still have to keep us this charade for a few more days.

Tomorrow Should Have Been My Rest Day

As with most employees, I look forward to a relaxing weekend were there is no paperwork do do in the office but, alas, I was informed today that I will be working tomorrow with my boss to do some unfinished work that was supposedly due this week.

I'm quite disappointed because during Saturday, I wake up late to recover some of my lost sleep during the past week. This is the time for me to sit back and relax and maybe watch a movie or two. But this is the life on an employee, you have to work when you're asked to during weekends.
Just suck it up and do my job even if I don't feel like it.

Sleep Mode at Work

It is Monday and for almost the whole day, it was raining. However, in the afternoon, there was heavy downpour and immediately the lights went out. For almost 4 hours, there was no electricity in the office.

What was I to do ion such a situation?

Well, most body started its sleep mode. The cool breeze was enough to entice me to sleep and the absence of electricity makes me want to go home and lie down in bed. The problem was that it was still one in the afternoon but may body was already in sleep mode. It was quite embarrassing to take naps in the middle of briefing and meetings when you superior is in front on you. It happened for most of the afternoon. I thought that maybe the loss of electricity would lessen the workload but my superior was still in his usual busy self going to other offices that were partially illuminated compared to our office. It was almost pitch black in our office because we have no windows.

Often work, I immediately went home and slept. Awoken only in time for dinner.

This weather is usually bad but if this happens on weekends, I would have loved to slept through it.

Manic Monday

At the start of the day, we were immediately bombarded with problems at work. It started a frenzy in our office and it never stopped. Problem after problem came along and all requiring prompt response or solution. People were beginning to be hot-tempered. They were all trying to justify themselves and place the blame on another. No one wants to admit any mistake on their part. Now, even the people who are not involved in it are dragged to this frenzy. Creating more strong emotions. Some are trying to parade themselves as know-it-all's in front of the public. Trying to show everyone around that they are in-charge. But why does efficiency in your job be paraded in front of everybody. Are they egotistical or just problem-solvers? I have this notion that if you are efficient in your job, no one knows about it because everything runs smoothly.

I heard this story before that the people of japan don't care about who heads their government. Most people don't even know the name of their prime minister. A citizen once declared that they will only know the name of their leaders once they make a mistake. And efficient leaders don't have to promote their own achievements.

It is better for the people to know your accomplishments from the effect that it has in their lives. Don't tell everyone that you did this and that because no one will believe in you. We are not as dumb as they think we are.

It's A Holiday

Today, April 6, 2009 was declared by the President as a Holiday to commemorate the "Araw ng Kagitingan" which supposed to be on April 9 because April 9 was already part of Holy Week, conidered as a religious holiday in our country.

Today was supposed to be a holiday but why don't I feel that it is. Maybe because I had to work today or the fact that I did almost nothing today but sleep. I went out earlier and the streets still look like a typical monday scene. The road is still crowded with vehicles and there are still a lot of people in the streets. Usually, during holidays, it is not crowded because people either stay at home or went early to the beach.

Maybe, I don't like its a holiday because I have already have a pre-determined mindset that Monday is the start of a week of work. It could be that I didn't adapt quickly to this holiday. Sometimes, we act unconsciously because there is already a preset activity that my mind is accustomed to doing every Monday. My waking habits on weekdays and weekends could be an example of this. I could wake up early during weekdays while I have to awakened during weekends or else I can sleep the whole morning.

Whatever, the reason may be, I think I have to prepare my mind for the coming holy week to experience it better.

Working on Weekends

I really don't like working on weekends or on holidays. When I work on those days, my mind is not on the job. I'm not as effective as I can be. This also goes with bringing work at home, I can't really focus on what I'm doing. For me, the office is place where I work and my home is the place where I relax.

Just this morning, I had to go to work to complete some task and just as I was about to go home, my boss informed me that I also have to work on Monday, which as recently declared as a holiday. It's not that I don't like working, it's just that I can't focus well during those times. My mind and body wants to relax but it has to work. That's why when I arrived home this afternoon after work, I slept for most of the after and woke up just in time for dinner.

Well, I can't get out of working on weekends or holidays because it is one of the constraints of being an employee, you have to do what you are tasked to do.

Rough Day

It was one of those days where everything started fine and then... boom. One mistake after another and I'm right in the middle of it. I have nothing to do with it but I was involved due to the fact that I was the middle-man. All I could do is get mad because I can't do anything about it. I was not in-charge and I was made to help fix some of the problems under time pressure. Although the whole thing went out fine but when it was ill-prepared then every mistake is noticeable and under the watchful eye of everybody. I hate seeing things like that especially when a family member is involved. Some may call me arrogant of something to the that I don't mix work with family. You treat me as an employee to an organization when I am at work and not as a relative. But most people don't tend to see it that way, they both think that since you're family and then you should get involved in their work.

What I really don't like to do is being tasked to help one's family in the function of their job. It makes them look like they don't know what they're doing especially when I am tasked to coordinate with them. I know that they're doing the best that they can given the limited resources that they have but still other people tend to see it otherwise. They just see it as inefficiency of work if they don't do it like they say it should be done.

We live in a place where people doesn't differentiate work-related and family-related businesses. I think this is why there is so much corruption prevalent in our country because they break rules just to accommodate family members.

I live in a place where you will be blamed for not helping your family even when they are wrong. Where the truth is not important, where proper procedure is not followed just to accommodate their family.

When a family member is wrong, I will say that they are wrong. I won't defend them but I will stay by their side as family. But when they are wrongly accused of something then I have to tell them how to fight back.

I hate to be in that position because I would rather do what was required myself and be blamed for whatever that might happen rather that see a family member ridiculed for allegedly not doing their job. When push came to shove, I know where I will stand, family comes first. And I don't want it to come to that point because I am not afraid of any of my superiors even even if it costs me my job.

I Am Not My Work

Working for a someone who isn't particularly liked by many is sometimes a burden to carry. People would often assume that you agree with everything that you're superior is doing. Even more so when you are good at the jobs assigned o to you. They would greet you mockingly on how you're superior is doing and wondering why you get along with them despite the different public opinion. Worse of all, they tend to see you as your superior which is for me a disrespectful thing to do.

I am just an employee who does what is required of me that is not illegal or immoral. I do what is assigned and do it well. It is not my problem if people see my supervisor at a different light. For me to be an asset to my superior and my efficiency in doing my job doesn't coincide with my personal opinions on him as a person. Personal opinions that need not be brought out in public because they are insignificant in the performance of my job.

Reacting to this sort of disparaging remarks is not acceptable in public because they could turn it against you even if you know that what they say is a mockery of what you are. Rants like this is not common in the workplace where people often have to put masks to hide their true opinions for fear of negative repercussions.

It is in the place like this that individuality is lost because you have to bend down to the will of the people who thought that they "fed you". That think that you always have to agree to them.

Please note that "I am not defined by the person I work for" because "I will not be defined by the limitations set upon me".

I choose to be me.

It's Friday

Friday is a casual day for employees especially during the afternoon. The hours of 3:00 -5:00 P.M. been designated as "hataw time" for us employees to do some exercise and other recreational activities. However, only a few of them does what is required of the time. Some just slack around, while others just go to other offices and gossip with their friends.

This time for me passes too slow. I don't like it when I have nothing to do because that gets me sleepy. I just want to get home and relax.

Doubting Dylan

In the past week, I began to doubt some of the things that people say around me. Being in the middle of things, i get to hear both sides and they all have a different side to the story. Some try to promote themselves as competent individuals, others spread rumors of others inadequacy while some position themselves as the victims. I don't have monopoly of the truth of all of these matters so I often have the difficulty of determining the truth from the lies.

It has been my recent experience that people praise me for something I am not. They conjure up things that makes me appear somewhat better than everyone else. I am not comfortable with it because it creates a huge room for disappointment and failure. When people put you in a pedestal, you are treated differently because they want to be on your good side. However, being on top, you are expected to be great at what you do and every little mistake you made on top will appear bigger to everyone below.

I have also been a subject of gossips before but now it will be different because because every move I make will be scrutinized and judged differently. Now, every comment or actions I make must be thought out thoroughly or else it might be construed differently from what I meant to say. It is difficult to be critical at others at this point. The hard I have to bear, I can't be the opposition... for now.

Kinda Confusing Today

It was kinda confusing at work today. My supervisor talked about a couple of tasks that jumbled my mind. Not that I don't know what he was talking about. It was just I wasn't in the right mindset to work. Couldn't get one task right and I forgot many things about my work and I looked dumb as he as asking me about it. I just kept on agreeing with him or just be silent because I have the vaguest idea on what he was talking about either because I forgot about it or it wasn't assigned to me. It is only now that I remember what I was supposed to do. Maybe, I'll get it right tomorrow. Just maybe. (sigh)

Going to Makati Again

I think the decision to travel back to Makati City by the end of the month is as good as approved. It's the 2nd trip back to Luzon is as many months since I've been back to my old job. Last month, we were in Subic and Manila. I don't really know what I'll doing there but I have to prepare. The boss has chosen me as his do-it-all guy who has to keep up with him and all his ideas, as well as remember them. There could be many things to learn from that trip, I just have to keep listening and watch intently what my supervisors are doing. Just hoping that it would really be a learning experience, not just some tour because Manila for me is not appealing unless you have money to spare. And you can bet on it that I don't have any shopping money with on that trip.

Doing Some Powerpoint Presentation

I was assigned to do a Powerpoint presentation for my boss for the conference we're attending next week and I'm having problems with the design right now. It's already laid out but it's not really amazing too look at. Very basic look of a Powerpoint presentation. My problem is the fact that I'm not an artistic person who can conjure some great design that would amaze the viewers. I can do what he wants me to do on any design or effect that would want to be placed in it. I can plot what deign is on your mind by I can't conceptualize a design. I think nexr week, there will be some revisions on the current look of it because my boss is somewhat particular with designs and the aesthetic look of things. i'm more of a content kinda guy.

On Official Travel

Next week, I will be going to Manila, and maybe Subic, to attend some sort or seminar or presentation. I’m not as excited as one might think because I don’t like flying because I get woozy when traveling. My first experience with Manila was last June and I wasn’t impressed. Too crowded for my taste but I’ve never been to Subic before so this is my chance to look at the sights and sounds of the place. I like to see their zoos and maybe the place where they show the dolphins. I’m just hoping that I can tour the place somehow but I’m not sure that it can happen because I have to be in contact always with my superiors. So basically, I’ll be following their time schedule. Bon voyage.

And So Begins, Again...

Its' my second day on the job and I'm still learning my old job. I'll get the hang of it sooner because eventually more assignments will come my way. It's been some time since I last this type of work again. My old job was more or data monitoring and gathering while this one entails a lot of writing formal documents. The one thing that still bothers me is the ample time spent doing nothing because the boss is not around to tell the employees what to do. Maybe it is only my perception that some of them can only use their abilities once they are allowed to do so. There is a lot of time waiting and I really mean a lot of time. I'm not used to just sitting in a chair half the day doing nothing. I have to do something while in the office like writing, reading or editing something related or unrelated to my work. Those lag times between work makes me sleepy even in a room that I'm not comfortable with. I hope that I will be assigned a computer and not share with the whole office because I cannot write and be be interrupted always, it disrupts the flow of thought on that particular assignment. Maybe, eventually I'll adjust to working in this type of environment again. Til' then.

First Day Low

I started my new job today. I spent most of the morning just sitting around because the boss was busy and spent about an hour working in the afternoon because the boss was busy. He just handed me files for me to study and make something out of it.

It’s difficult to make what he asked for at the present because there are only two computers available, one laptop and one desktop, and both are used by all the employees in the office interchangeably. I guess I’m not good at preparing my reports on paper because I constantly revise what I do or change immediately what I think is wrong in my reports so making it in the computer is more viable for me.

On my first day, I was greeted by the people who used to know me while others wonder what I was doing there. The location and people have changed slightly but it is more or less the same atmosphere I left almost three years ago. The people’s attitudes haven’t changed a bit, only their uniforms. They made me remember an old saying, “The more they try to change, the more they stay the same.

Working Again

I will start working tomorrow. I don't know what my job will be or who I'll be working for. However, I don't feel anything about working back there again. I'm not anxious or excited. Just want to go there tomorrow and start doing what i will be assigned to.

I really don't know what will happen tomorrow. Maybe stir up a little gossip somewhere on why I did come back after leaving it almost three years ago. I know I was over-hyped by some individuals there, even now. They think I am very good at something, and that something is what I am skeptical about. It's hard to live up to something that is expected of you.

I liked working in other places because I can start fresh, nothing much is expected of me. They will judge me only by what I am doing and nothing else. But here, I have to live up to the the excellence of my parents. Be at par or greater than their abilities. This excellence was already expected of me even before I graduated It's nice to be known for something good, however, it is difficult for me because I was already expected to be good at something without proving myself yet. Maybe, this is how it works in the place I live in. I have been dealt with such a card and all I can do is do my best to make that card work.

There is something that i want to make myself clear and maybe to others as well, I was offered this job and I took it after much contemplation. I didn't look for it or even wanted it. And since I have accepted this new challenge, I will prove to myself that I was right in choosing it and do a good job while I'm at it. This is just another step of development for me and for my future. I just hope it works.

Busy Training

It's be a while since I am training my replacement since I will be resigning from my current position. My replacement is more adept to my work because of his prior knowledge of what this job entails him to do. He came from another division of our company, so not much immersion on the job is required. Just a little tutorial on some of the things I've been doing for the past two years that must now continue to do. I hope he does well in his new position.

Not in the Mood to Work

The whole day, I don't feel like working. My body feels heavy as I sit in my chair doing my daily assignments. What could have been the cause of this? Maybe the weather, food or it's just in my head. Maybe I'm feeling down because tomorrow, I will have to go to work while my other co-workers will be staying in their homes resting. Well, why does my work be always the exception of the rules? No one has to work on holidays, but we do.

But the time of change is near. Will I miss this things that I don't like about my work? Well, I can't tell for certain right now. But the only certain thing that I know, as of this moment, is that I'm not in the mood to work. (sigh)

Domino Effect

A few weeks ago, one of my co-worker decided to resign from his post to pursue another career path. All of us even teased him about why, where and how of his decision to resign. Now, I also tendered my resignation and to my surprise, another one in our department decided to resign also after I've submitted by resignation letter. And, we've heard another one from another department has decided to leave also. Somehow, it's like a domino effect, one action effects others. We've joked around to the original one that he was the cause of all this leaving. The truth is, we're just looking for a better opportunity and I hope that we all achieve what we left here for.