Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How to Miss Someone That Got Away

Missing someone is not easy especially when it's with someone who got away. You're still close with them but there is a line that you cannot cross. A part of you is still longing for her even though you thought that you're over her.

What is moving on? Is it defined by me having let go of my feelings for her or me accepting the fact that she wasn't mine to have.

I was secure in the fact that we're not together but I know I can reach her easily whenever I want to but this time it is different, she plans to go somewhere far. Somewhere that I can't go with just a whim. I know I'll still see her someday but just thinking of her so far away makes me sad, makes me miss her even if she's just a friend that I like.

For me to tell her that I'll miss her would not be an easy task to do. It might be misconstrued as me making a move on her again or me not letting go. Or maybe she'll just think of me joking.

But do I care if I'll be misinterpreted? I think not. Maybe I'll just tell her that I'll miss her if her plans push through.

Missing someone is never easy.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Fear of Heights

I've always been afraid of heights but I'm not afraid to jump, as long as there is a lifeline or there's some deep water below. I've climb tall trees or been on top of tall building and looked down, rode zip lines that zoomed above the treetops but I'm still afraid of heights. My legs still tremble every time I'm up there but I'll still look down. I still can't figure out if I've conquered my fear or not.

Whatever the case maybe, I'll still jump if it's worth it?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Not Feeling So Well

It's the third day since I started not feeling well. First, it was just a bout of sinusitis but now it has grown into a full blown cold complete with running nose, headache and body aches. It comes in a bad because because on Friday I will be on work related travel for two (2) days. I don't want to feel sick during the trip because I sweat a lot when I travel especially when I'm sick.

I've been taking my medicine for both the cold and sinusitis hoping that by tomorrow, my sinusitis and cold will already be cured because I want to enjoy some of the outdoor activities that we will experience that we will be trying during the said trip.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Rough Day

It was one of those days where everything started fine and then... boom. One mistake after another and I'm right in the middle of it. I have nothing to do with it but I was involved due to the fact that I was the middle-man. All I could do is get mad because I can't do anything about it. I was not in-charge and I was made to help fix some of the problems under time pressure. Although the whole thing went out fine but when it was ill-prepared then every mistake is noticeable and under the watchful eye of everybody. I hate seeing things like that especially when a family member is involved. Some may call me arrogant of something to the that I don't mix work with family. You treat me as an employee to an organization when I am at work and not as a relative. But most people don't tend to see it that way, they both think that since you're family and then you should get involved in their work.

What I really don't like to do is being tasked to help one's family in the function of their job. It makes them look like they don't know what they're doing especially when I am tasked to coordinate with them. I know that they're doing the best that they can given the limited resources that they have but still other people tend to see it otherwise. They just see it as inefficiency of work if they don't do it like they say it should be done.

We live in a place where people doesn't differentiate work-related and family-related businesses. I think this is why there is so much corruption prevalent in our country because they break rules just to accommodate family members.

I live in a place where you will be blamed for not helping your family even when they are wrong. Where the truth is not important, where proper procedure is not followed just to accommodate their family.

When a family member is wrong, I will say that they are wrong. I won't defend them but I will stay by their side as family. But when they are wrongly accused of something then I have to tell them how to fight back.

I hate to be in that position because I would rather do what was required myself and be blamed for whatever that might happen rather that see a family member ridiculed for allegedly not doing their job. When push came to shove, I know where I will stand, family comes first. And I don't want it to come to that point because I am not afraid of any of my superiors even even if it costs me my job.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I Know. It's You.

This, finally, must be serious.

I've often been alone but I've never lived alone. When I was with someone, I was often happy but it seemed like a coincidence. These people were my parents, but it could have been others. Why was this brown-eyed boy my brother, and not the boy with the green eyes on the opposite platform? The taxi-driver's daughter was my friend, but I might as well have put my arm around a horse's neck. I was with a man, I was in love, and I might as well have left him and walked off with the stranger I met in the street.

Look at me, or don't. Give me your hand, or don't. No, don't give me your hand and look away.

Tonight is the new moon. No night can be more peaceful. There won't be any bloodshed in the city. I've never toyed with anyone, yet I've never opened my eyes and thought 'Now, this is serious'. At last it's becoming serious.

I've grown older. Am I the only one who wasn't serious? Is it the times that lack seriousness?

I was never alone, neither on my own nor with others. But I would have liked to be alone. After all, to be alone means to be whole. Now I can say it - as from tonight I'm alone at last. I must put an end to coincidence.

The new moon of decision! I don't know if there is destiny, but there is a decision. So decide! We are the present day now.

The whole town, the whole world is taking part in our decision.

We two are now more than us two.
We incarnate something.
We are sitting in the place of the people and the whole place is full of people who are dreaming the same dream.
We decide everyone's game.
I am ready.
Now it's your turn.
Now you've got to decide.
Now or never!

You need me. You will need me. There's no greater story than ours - a man and a woman. It will be a story of giants - invisible, but transferable, a story of new ancestors.
Look, my eyes. They are the picture of necessity, of everyone's future. Last night I dreamed of a stranger. It was my man. Only with him could I be alone, open up to him, wholly, wholly open for him, welcome him wholly into me, surround him with the labyrinth of shared happiness.

I know. It's you.

from "Wings of Desire"

Friday, March 20, 2009

Who Watches the Watchmen? That Would be Me.

Two weeks ago, I went to another town to watch the movie Watchmen since we have no cinemas here. That was not my real intention but Plan A didn't materialize so I resorted to Plan B which is just to watch the movie adaptation of the graphic novel written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons, WATCHMEN.

I was enthralled by the movie because of what I have heard of the graphic novel since I am an avid comic book fan of both Marvel and DC. Truth be told, I already had an electronic copy of this graphic novel years ago but failed to ready it. I got most of my information about the novel from Wikipedia and other websites after my friend gave a copy, saying that it was one of the best comic book ever made.

Even with all that information from the internet, I wasn't able to fully comprehend the story of the novel until I watched the movie adaptation. Since the 12 issue graphic novel cannot be all incorporated into a 2-hour movie, I'm currently revisiting my copy of the comic book to fill-up some gaps not found in the movie.

Also, I have watched the animation "Tales of the Black Freighter" which is a comic story within the Watchmen story. It was quite scary and not suitable for anyone for teens. The story is quite dark and grotesque that it is uncomfortable to watch and I kept grimacing while watching the video.

From the host of watchmen characters, I now understand why many believe that Rorschach is the most popular figure even on the way he was portrayed in the novel.

I do like how Rorschach thinks, in this world where there are many gray areas that people tend to make, it is a necessary component to have a character who sees things as black and white, right or wrong, good and evil. I like a character who doesn't compromise their beliefs even when it resulted in a perfectly made lie.

The saying "The End Does That Justify The Means" comes to mind on how Rorschach does his thing. The is a very flawed character who does veil things to get what he wants but doesn't pretend that what he was doing was right. No apologies for what he has done because he himself knows that they're wrong.

Although I like Rorschach, I question whether such a person could exist in seeing the world just as black and white. Well, I think that the world of tolerance, understanding and empathy would not be in the vocabulary of Rorschach.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

For Pieces of You

I’m always searching everywhere for pieces of you
In the shop at my destination, in the corner of the newspaper
Even though I know you won’t be there
If there were to be a miracle, I wish I could show you right now
The new morning, the new me
Even the words “I like you” that I couldn’t say to you

Yamazaki Masayoshi, "One More Time, One More Chance"

Too Much Praise for Nothing

Have you ever been praised for something you're not? I have and I don't like it because deep inside I know that I'm not what they're praising me for. Even more degrading is the fact that the people who praised you are well-known rumor-mongers.

I have a problem with praises because oftentimes they are exaggerated. This is especially true when you're gossiping about someone and then the next is that they are comparing your abilities to theirs. I feel uncomfortable with this because when you dislike another, you would divulge something that would be detrimental to the character of that person you despised. And when you're praised in that round of gossiping is very awkward because you know that they're exaggerating things around you and the person you're talking about.

I am no stranger to gossiping because most of the time I try to know the truth about someone being gossiped. I first verify the information that I heard inconspicuously. I don't use these knowledge about the person. I just treat is as an information to be considered the next time I will be dealing with that person. As what we've been told often, "Knowledge is Power" and "Information is Key in Decision-Making", it is wise to have foreknowledge of something that you're about to deal with or do about.

Although praises are good for the ears, be wary with praises because they could affect your judgment if you hear them often especially when they're false.

Don't try to boost your ego at the expense of other people's lives.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Simple Things Are The Hardest to Do

I just watched a travel show titled Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern that features exotic delicacies from all over the worlds. Today's episode feature food from Japan. In one segment of the show, he featured a world-class sushi chef who was just awarded 3 Michelin Stars. The sushi chef's restaurant only seats 14 persona and each sushi is prepared by the chef in front of you one piece at a time. After sampling several sampling of the masterfully crafted sushi, the host commented that in Japan sushi is one of the easiest food to prepare but such is simple food is hardest to do. He then commented that when a food is simple, other factors come in like the relationship of the chef to his creation. Since, the sushi is prepared one at a time and served immediatley, each piece must be perfect because the customers will definetly notice undesirable taste immediately.

I pondered on his statement that simple things are hardest to do because I realized that in life there are things that are basically easy but we cannot easily perform. Just like a asking a woman out or saying sorry for a mistake that you've made. What makes them difficult to do is because there are several factors, that would come in first in your mind, that would make you hesitate. Things that are not necessarily involved in the process comes in and distorts your thoughts. The totality of the thing to do is now in question.

Are you sincere?
How bad do you want it?
Are you sure?
Why are you doing it?

Your character is now involved in the decision to do simple things. It is important to show the sincerity, the genuine act of doing it. You must first justify to yourself the action that you're going to do before doing it to the one it is intended for. It is foolish to try to justify to yourself something that you know is a lie because in living a lie, you wouldn't like to wake up for fear of the consequences of the truth

I don't know how to end this thought because there are still a lot of things swirling in my head about this topic. Maybe i'm just trying to complicate simple things or to some oversimplifying the thought process.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Where Are You?

I've been looking for you. I want to know how you've been. Maybe a little message from do will suffice but you gave me none. Did you win or did you lose? I want to know.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I Am Not My Work

Working for a someone who isn't particularly liked by many is sometimes a burden to carry. People would often assume that you agree with everything that you're superior is doing. Even more so when you are good at the jobs assigned o to you. They would greet you mockingly on how you're superior is doing and wondering why you get along with them despite the different public opinion. Worse of all, they tend to see you as your superior which is for me a disrespectful thing to do.

I am just an employee who does what is required of me that is not illegal or immoral. I do what is assigned and do it well. It is not my problem if people see my supervisor at a different light. For me to be an asset to my superior and my efficiency in doing my job doesn't coincide with my personal opinions on him as a person. Personal opinions that need not be brought out in public because they are insignificant in the performance of my job.

Reacting to this sort of disparaging remarks is not acceptable in public because they could turn it against you even if you know that what they say is a mockery of what you are. Rants like this is not common in the workplace where people often have to put masks to hide their true opinions for fear of negative repercussions.

It is in the place like this that individuality is lost because you have to bend down to the will of the people who thought that they "fed you". That think that you always have to agree to them.

Please note that "I am not defined by the person I work for" because "I will not be defined by the limitations set upon me".

I choose to be me.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Planning A Vacation Early

I have recently booked a plane flight for a vacation that will happen if about four months. Planning early is good especially when money is not easily available. Nowadays, you can book early for flights to receive larger discounts.

I already booked for one plane ride and I still need to book for another flight because its some sort of exotic destination. Do direct flights from the nearest airport here to that place. I'm glad that my friend is helping with with all the reservations. All I have to do is pay and show up on the flight date.

Time to plan for another trip. I want to go Camarines Sur and experience their world-class watersport complex. I want to try wakeboarding and I would really want to jump of that water ramp and fly in the air.

I hope I can do it this year.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Enjoying the Music of Adrew Lloyd Webber and the Humorous Songs of Monty Python

Tonight, I have been listening to the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's the one behind the great musicals The Phantom of the Opera, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar, among others. We have had a copy of the album Andrew Lloyd Webber containg 60 of his classic works with some of the famous singers Madonna, Elvis Presley, Barbra Streisand.

In my playlist now are the songs:

  1. Any Dream Will Do
  2. Oh What a Circus
  3. All I Ask of You
  4. Whistle Down the Wind
  5. I'd Be Suprisingly Good For You
  6. Evermore Without You
  7. No Matter What
  8. All The Love I Have
  9. Learn to be Lonely
  10. Any Dream Will Do
  11. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
  12. Close Every Door
Earlier this evening, I was listening to the humurous songs of the Monty Python from their classic comedies The Holy Grail, Life of Brian and the Meaning of Life.

Try to listen to these wonderful songs:
  1. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
  2. Lumberjack Song
  3. Bruce's Philosophers Song
  4. Knights of the Round Table
  5. Eric The Half a Bee

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Use of Skills Leads to Growth

Most of us spend many hours each week watching celebrated athletes playing in enormous stadiums. Instead of making music, we listen to platinum records cut by millionaire musicians. Instead of making art, we go to admire paintings that brought in the highest bids at the latest auction. We do not run risks acting on our beliefs, but occupy hours each day watching actors who pretend to have adventures, engaged in mock-meaningful action.

This vicarious participation is able to mask, at least temporarily, the underlying emptiness of wasted time. But it is a very pale substitute for attention invested in real challenges. The flow experience that results from the use of skills leads to growth; passive entertainment leads nowhere. Collectively we are wasting each year the equivalent of millions of years of human consciousness. The energy that could be used to focus on complex goals, to provide enjoyable growth, is squandered on patterns of stimulation that only mimic reality.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi


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